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Interview with Paul Tripp & Justin Holcomb: Marriage, Parenting, and Grace

Here’s a great interview from The Resurgence. Justin Holcomb and Paul Tripp cover everything from dating to parenting and all the grace between. Paul Tripp is author of What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage and Justin Holcomb is author of Rid of My Disgrace. Original post from The Resurgence.

Background:

  • Paul Tripp’s Life: 0:20
  • Daily Drive for the Gospel: 1:15
  • Scholar, Counselor, Pastor: 2:45
  • The Relationship between Law and Grace: 3:44

Marriage and the Gospel

  • Law, Gospel, and Marriage: 7:00
  • The Power of Worship in Marriage: 9:45
  • What Is Our Hope in a Broken Marriage? 13:04
  • How Do I Know If I Have Flawed Dating Expectations? 14:15
  • Importance of a Lifestyle of Repentance and Forgiveness: 17:40
  • Why We Get Angry With Our Spouses: 19:12

Parenting in Grace

  • Parenting in Faith: 20:25
  • How to Discipline Children through the Gospel: 25:08
  • Having Sexuality Conversations with Your Kids: 32:00

People Can Change

  • What Happens with Pornography in Marriage: 37:55
  • Can People Really Change? 43:57
  • Grace Is a Process, Not an Event: 48:08
  • Encouragement for Ministry Work: 55:06
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December 14, 2011 | Posted in: Marriage,Parenting,The Gospel | Author: Angie Cheatham @ 8:00 am | 0 Comments »

3 Reasons to Prioritize Your Marriage Over Your Children

By Voddie Baucham, Family Shepherds: Calling and Equipping Men to Lead Their Homes

There is sometimes a tendency to prioritize our children to the neglect of our marriage. There are at least three reasons that make prioritizing our children over our marriage both foolish and dangerous:

1. Our children will eventually leave home. Prepare your marriage for the empty nest:
To my knowledge, I’ve never talked to a person who divorced after twenty-five or thirty years who didn’t say something like this: “Once the kids were gone, we realized we really didn’t have much of a marriage.” Building a marriage on the foundation of the preeminence of children is like building a house on a rented removable slab. You may have days or even years when you feel completely secure, but the day is coming when the lease will be up and the foundation upon which your home stands will be taken away. A family shepherd must not allow his family to fall into this trap.

2. Our marriage forms the cornerstone of our children’s security:
Ironically, those who prioritize their children above their marriage are not only jeopardizing their marriage, they’re actually depriving their children of the very thing they desire to provide them. The greatest source of security our children have in this world is a God-honoring, Christ-centered marriage between their parents. Putting the children first is like a police officer putting away his badge and gun in order to make the public feel more at ease. A family shepherd must put his marriage before his children in order to provide them with the security they both need and desire.

3. Putting your marriage first will actually prepare your children for marriage:

Prioritizing your children above your marriage is both foolish and dangerous because it sets a precedent that contradicts one of the greatest lessons you’ll ever teach your children—how to be good husbands and wives. We must first and foremost model a commitment to marriage. Failure to do this will communicate ideas that are contrary to what we believe—starting with the narcissism it tends to create in our children—including the pitfalls that may follow them into their marriage. For example, if we prioritize our children above our marriage, we teach our children that marriage exists for children. If this is the case, how will our children react to the early months or years of their marriage when there are no children? How will they respond if, God forbid, they should struggle with infertility? If the heart of marriage is “living for the kids,” these scenarios could be difficult at best.

Jesus our Savior—and our example of what a bridegroom truly is—laid down his life for his bride (Eph. 5:25). He doesn’t neglect her for another. And it’s this relationship of our Savior to his bride that governs our understanding of our role as husbands and family shepherds. We must give ourselves to and for our wives. We must view them not only as ours but as us! As I often remind myself concerning my wife, “She’s not just mine; she’s me. She’s bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh (Gen. 2:23); she’s my body (Eph. 5:28–29), and I am her head (1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:23). We are one (Eph. 5:31; see also Gen. 2:24); and our union is a blessing to our children (1 Cor. 7:14).”

As family shepherds, our primary mission is to love our wives as our own selves. We must not allow anything to interfere with this mission. Neither our careers nor our children can be allowed to keep us from our task of modeling for the world the beautiful, mysterious, one-flesh union of our Savior and his bride (Eph. 5:33).

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November 29, 2011 | Posted in: Marriage,Men, Husbands, Fathers,Parenting | Author: admin @ 8:00 am | 0 Comments »

Dads: Know the Difference Between What the Gospel Requires and What it Produces

By Voddie Baucham (from Family Shepherds: Calling and Equipping Men to Lead Their Homes)

Family shepherds must know the difference between law and gospel. We must know the difference between committing ourselves to leadership in our families because it’s “right,” and looking to Christ as the Good Shepherd who, by his grace, will conform us to the will of his Father as we trust and obey him.

We must also know the difference between condemning our family with the law and shepherding them with the gospel. We must know the difference between what the gospel requires and what the gospel produces.

WHAT THE GOSPEL REQUIRES
All the gospel requires from us is repentance and faith.

  • This is the message Jesus conveyed: “From that time Jesus began to preach, saying, ‘Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand’” (Matt. 4:17; see also Mark 1:15).
  • This was Peter’s message on the day of Pentecost when, filled with the Spirit, he turned to the crowd and said, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit” (Acts 2:38).
  • And again: “Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out” (Acts 3:19).
  • This is also the message Paul proclaimed at Mars Hill: “The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent” (Acts 17:30).

It’s absurd to expect obedience from men who are “dead in the trespasses and sins” (Eph. 2:1)—men who “are in the flesh” and who consequently “cannot please God” (Rom. 8:8). This is the heart of Paul’s argument in Galatians. There he makes it clear that we are “justified by faith in Christ and not by works of the law, because by works of the law no one will be justified” (Gal. 2:16). It is not our good works, our righteousness, our obedience that triggers the gospel’s effect in our lives; rather, the gospel calls simply for our repentance and our trust in Christ. This distinction must mark our understanding and proclamation of the gospel.

WHAT THE GOSPEL PRODUCES
While repentance and faith are what the gospel requires, what the gospel produces is obedience to all the Lord’s commands.

  • This is clear when John writes: Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked. (1 John 2:4–6)
  • This is in keeping with Paul’s comment in 2 Corinthians 5:17 on the nature of true conversion: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has Family come.”
  • This, of course, is to God’s glory, not ours; for it’s God who has made us “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light” (1 Pet. 2:9).
  • Make no mistake: “It is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Phil. 2:13). Our obedience is produced by God, not by us. This obedience is the fruit or evidence of the work of the gospel in our lives.
  • Those who love the Lord keep his commandments (John 14:15, 21).
  • Moreover, Jesus associates the keeping of his commandments with abiding in his love (John 15:10), not trying to earn it.

WHY THESE DISTINCTIONS MATTER
All this may seem like splitting theological hairs, but I assure you these distinctions are crucial. Confusing what the gospel produces with what the gospel requires will lead either to a sterile works-righteousness on the one hand or to lawlessness on the other.

For example, if we work toward getting our unbelieving children to do that which only the gospel can produce in the life of a believer, and fail to point them to the undeniable truth that there’s nothing in and of themselves whereby they may obey in a manner that will satisfy God’s righteousness, then we’re essentially telling them they can please God on their own—something the Bible says is impossible (Rom. 8:8).

On the other hand, if we merely throw up our hands in surrender, never calling our children to repentance and never holding up to them the mirror of God’s unattainable standard of righteousness, then our children will think themselves safe and secure when in fact they stand condemned before a holy and righteous judge. They must know that in the Lord’s sight, “all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment” (Isa. 64:6).

Thus, we must teach our children to view the law as “our guardian until Christ came, in order that we might be justified by faith (Gal. 3:24). Only then does the gospel have its full impact.

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November 28, 2011 | Posted in: Men, Husbands, Fathers,Parenting,The Gospel | Author: Angie Cheatham @ 3:00 pm | 0 Comments »

“Daddy, Can You Teach Me How To Pray?”

Has your child ever asked a similar question?

Sometimes it’s hard to know how to answer this question as a parent, because when we look back, it appears that good prayer comes from time and experience; things our children don’t have much of. How can we encourage our kids to expand their prayer language beyond “Now I lay me down to sleep…” and “God bless Daddy and Mommy…”?

In The Barber Who Wanted to Pray, R.C. Sproul’s imaginative and beautifully illustrated children’s story, the fictional father Mr. McFarland responds to his daughter’s similar question, as many teachers do, by sharing a story.

Mr. McFarland tells the 500-year-old story about Master Peter, a barber well-known to all in his village. One day, when Martin Luther the Reformer walks into his shop, the barber musters up the courage to ask the outlawed monk how to pray. Luther responds by writing a letter to the barber. The barber’s life and many others’ are changed as they encounter a model for prayer by using the Lord’s Prayer, the Ten Commandments, and the Apostles’ Creed.

Sproul’s story will delight children and help them learn to pray according to the Bible. The full text of the Lord’s Prayer, the Ten Commandments, and the Apostles’ Creed will make this a treasured book to be returned to time after time.

Learn more about the The Barber Who Wanted to Pray or preview the book here:

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October 21, 2011 | Posted in: Books,Children,Family,History and Biography,Parenting,Prayer | Author: Ted Cockle @ 11:03 am | 0 Comments »

7 Steps to Family Worship

Jesus likely owns your Sundays, but does he own your home? Making worship a part of the family routine is an essential part of having a spiritually vibrant household. If we don’t get into the Word daily as a family, children can learn to view church (and the Lord) as simply a nice, weekly excursion. Faith can become more of a show than a deep-seeded lifestyle. Having regular family devotionals is a way to make faith a daily, integral part of life, rather than a Sunday habit. Voddie Baucham Jr. offers seven steps to implement family worship in your home.

  1. Family worship must be born of conviction. As parents, you must be convinced that this is something you need. Without this conviction, follow through will be next to impossible.
  2. Family worship begins with the head of the household. Wives, don’t demand that your husband start family worship. It needs to come from him.
  3. Family worship must be scheduled. If we don’t plan a time to worship, we’ll skip it. It takes about 30 days to form a habit, so forming a worship schedule will help ingrain it into the family pattern.
  4. Family worship must be simple. It doesn’t need to be a big production. No power points necessary. All you need is commitment to gather together with the Word of God. Keeping it simple makes it easy to spice up or simplify when you want to.
  5. Family worship must be natural. Don’t try to be something you aren’t. This is not the time to pretend or be extravagant. Choose songs that your family loves to sing and study materials that fit your situation in life. Your children can detect a lack of authenticity.
  6. Family worship must be mandatory. Nobody gets to skip out, including sulky teenagers. Rebellion and family worship belong in different realms and require separate attention.
  7. Family worship must be participatory. It is not a performance by one gifted member of the family that is simply observed by everyone else. Invite your children to join in singing, choosing songs, reading Scripture, praying, discussing issues, etc. Participation will help your children grow, and can even touch the heart of the rebellious teen.

Learn more about surrendering your home to God in Family Driven Faith.

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September 21, 2011 | Posted in: Children,Family,Parenting,Sanctification/Growth,Worship | Author: Crossway Staff @ 10:17 am | 0 Comments »