3 Pieces of Advice for Responding to Miscarriage

A Word to Husbands

Miscarriage can be extremely painful for couples. The weight and pain of it often falls disproportionately on the wife, for obvious reasons.

So my first piece of encouragement would be for husbands: be there for your wife. Simply be there for her. Care for her. Do whatever it is she needs doing today and in the few days to come. Rally to her. The response to withdraw, to shelter yourself, or to give her space should be resisted. There needs to be a rallying to your spouse; a care for her in whatever ways she says she needs in the moment.

Husbands: tend the wound.

Your Lord Is with You

The second thing I would say to the couple who has experienced miscarriage—especially if it has been a repeated experience—is another simple piece of encouragement: God is with you. I can't promise that the pain will stop, that you'll carry a child to term, or that you'll have what you most want. No one can responsibly make those promises to you.

What I can say is that God cares about you. He hasn't forsaken you. He wants you to participate in his mission. And he sees your wound and cares for that wound.

He bears with you in your suffering.

Walking through Infertility

Matthew Arbo

Overflowing with warmth and sensitivity, this book explores what the Bible says about infertility, helping the church walk alongside couples struggling with infertility and assessing the ethical issues surrounding common fertility treatments and reproductive technologies.

What It Means to Be the Church

Third, a word to members of the church who have friends or family who have experienced miscarriage, particularly if they have experienced several miscarriages over the years. The response of the church should be one of simple responsiveness and care. Ask questions—measured questions—in ways that are sensitive to the couple's position and to their experience.

There's also a small window for presumptuousness—for dropping by unannounced and bringing a gift or a cup of ice cream. Just showing up for people is a huge gift. So, be present. Lend an ear.

This is what it means to be the church. To be there in the hard parts and the sad parts. We don't have to have an answer. We don't have to know what to say every time. Much of the work of care is looking someone in the eye and telling them that they're loved.

Matthew Arbo (PhD, University of Edinburgh) is assistant professor of theological studies and director of the Center for Faith and Public Life at Oklahoma Baptist University. He and his family are members of Frontline Church in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.