Make a Plan That's Right for You
I know men who have pages and pages of plans for their business, their finances, and their hobbies, but have never written down a single sentence of planning for their marriage. Vows, dreams, ideas, and good intentions aren’t enough. A man needs to plan. Husbands who learn to be intentional with their marriage, just as they are in other domains of life, can be used of God to bring fresh flourishing to their one-flesh union. I encourage a man to view his marriage in one-year chunks and to draft an annual plan for how he will date his wife.
Drafting an annual plan for dating your wife starts with the “air war” of your marriage—this is planning for when your B-52 Bombers will fly overhead to drop major artillery and troops in support of your marriage, helping you push your marriage forward in significant ways.
You need to create an annual plan that’s unique to the dream God has given you for your marriage and your wife.
There is no one right way to do this. Every marriage is different. Every wife is different. You need to create an annual plan that’s unique to the dream God has given you for your marriage and your wife. To help jumpstart your own creativity and planning, below a sample of an annual Date-Your-Wife Plan. This one is for a couple who does not yet have kids.
Every marriage operates on a different calendar. Some men craft plans that follow the calendar year—January through December. Other men craft plans that pivot on their anniversary date. The plan my wife and I follow is in sync with our anniversary (August 16) and the academic calendar. This works well for us since we have three kids in school and since I’m a pastor and my work tracks with the academic calendar. This puts out marriage, our kids, and my work on the same planning timetable: August through July.
A Sample Annual Date-Your-Wife “Air War” Plan
This is a simple outline of the air war portion a Date-Your-Wife Plan of a newly married couple living in the San Francisco Bay Area.
Air War Goals: Enjoy a “twelve-month honeymoon.” Once a month get out of town for two nights to date my wife, cultivate our friendship, grow our romance, have fun, and relax. Because of our tight newlywed budget, this will be done in the most cost-effective and creative manner possible. Instead of spending money throughout the month on meals out, entertainment, and other items such as expensive coffee drinks, we will save that money and use it toward our monthly getaways.
Total Annual Cost: $1,725
Cost of Not Doing This: ?
Men, you can’t afford to not date your wife. Date your wife. Make some space in your calendar this month to create your own air war portion of a Date-Your-Wife Plan. Then, take your wife on a date and share the plan. Revise and shape your plan together with your wife as she offers her input and tell you her hopes and dreams for your marriage. Then, plug your plan into your calendar and don’t let anything else compromise these plans. Schedule and make reservations accordingly, and enjoy.