Not Yet Married: The Pursuit of Joy in Singleness and Dating

By Marshall Segal

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Not Yet Married: The Pursuit of Joy in Singleness and Dating

By Marshall Segal

... Show All

Life Is Never Mainly about Love and Marriage. So Learn to Live and Date for More.

Many of you grew up assuming that marriage would meet all of your needs and unlock God’s purposes for you. But God has far more planned for you than your future marriage. Not Yet Married is not about waiting quietly in the corner of the world for God to bring you “the one,” but about inspiring you to live and date for more now.

If you follow Jesus, the search for a spouse is no longer a pursuit of the perfect person, but a pursuit of more of God. He will likely write a love story for you different than the one you would write for yourself, but that’s because he loves you and knows how to write a better story. This book was written to help you find real hope, happiness, and purpose in your not-yet-married life.

Read Chapter 1


Marshall Segal

Marshall Segal (MDiv, Bethlehem College & Seminary) is president and CEO of Desiring God. He serves as a deacon at Cities Church in St. Paul, Minnesota.

Product Details

Format: Paperback
Page Count: 208
Size: 5.5 in x 8.5 in
Weight: 8.8 ounces
ISBN-10: 1-4335-5545-X
ISBN-13: 978-1-4335-5545-9
ISBN-UPC: 9781433555459
Case Quantity: 52
Published: June 30, 2017

Table of Contents

Part 1: The Not-Yet-Married Life

  1. Love Is Looking for You
  2. Single, Satisfied, and Sent
  3. Undivided and Undistracted
  4. Love the Life You Never Wanted
  5. Knowing Everyone but Never Known
  6. 100,000 Hours
  7. Procrastination in Pursuing Him
  8. The Secret Most Important Step

Part 2: When the Not Yet Married Meet

  1. Date for More Than Marriage
  2. The Best Book on Dating
  3. Your Last First Date
  4. Is He the One?
  5. Sexual Freedom and Purity
  6. Acts of War in Love
  7. The Third Wheel We All Need
  8. It’s Not You—It’s God

Conclusion: My Dreams for Your Marriage
A Word of Thanks
General Index
Scripture Index


“I have been married for forty-eight years. But even now, a half-century later, the days of falling in love and ‘going with’ Noël are still vivid in my memory. They are in a class by themselves. Marriage knows its unfettered ecstasies, but those years leading to marriage were supercharged with never-before and never-since emotions. We need God’s wisdom. And we need his supernatural help to live it out. Marshall Segal is a trustworthy guide. He is conscious of the world but conformed to the Word. God did not leave us without wisdom or power for this volatile season of life. Marshall will point you to both.”
John Piper, Founder and Teacher,; Chancellor, Bethlehem College & Seminary; author, Desiring God

“Singleness is not a punishment, and marriage is not a right. Yet more and more, I encounter young women who are single longer than they planned to be, and they wonder how they missed the dreamboat. What’s more, they wonder why God hasn’t answered their prayers for marriage. That’s why I’m thrilled to get my hands on Not Yet Married. This is a book not just about waiting well or about preparing for marriage. It is a book about God, grounded in God’s Word. Married, engaged, or a long way away from the altar, this book paints a beautiful, biblical picture of marriage and the God who designed it.”
Erin Davis, author; podcaster; mother of four

“This is a book about God and his glory before it is a field guide for the not yet married. That will be its sticking power. Segal has done a great job of connecting gospel truth to how we think about ourselves and our love lives, which is desperately needed in a culture that wants to keep God sequestered to the sanctuary. It's weighty but accessible, taking on serious topics in a way that reads like a chat over coffee. I know the title is Not Yet Married, but after eleven years of marriage I found myself challenged and encouraged on every page. I am really grateful for Marshall and his honest, theologically sturdy counsel. This book is a must-share.”
Jimmy Needham, recording artist; Worship Director, Stonegate Church, Midlothian, Texas

“Marshall’s writing never fails to be richly insightful, thought provoking, and heart probing. He is also refreshingly transparent as he shares out of what he has experienced—sometimes the hard way—of God’s Word and ways. As Marshall chronicled his journey through years of singleness, I was delighted to see God bring Faye into his life ‘in due season.’ Now I rejoice that he has written this book, which will be a feast to men and women in any season of life, as they press through every unfulfilled longing this side of heaven, to pursue joy in Christ.”
Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, author; Founder, Revive Our Hearts and True Woman

“Timely. Relevant. Solid. In a cultural climate where singleness is equally celebrated and stigmatized, and dating is misunderstood and mispurposed, Marshall Segal injects a breath of biblical fresh air. With Scripture as its undergirding, Not Yet Married is a helpful guide to honoring God in any relational status. Married or not, single or dating, I hope you’ll read this book.”
Louie Giglio, Pastor, Passion City Church, Atlanta; Founder, Passion Conferences; author, The Comeback

“In a culture that constantly communicates false—even destructive—messages about dating, Not Yet Married is the Christian response we need. Marshall is deeply biblical and writes with the empathy, humility, and wisdom of a brother who has walked this road, made mistakes, and found grace. Now he shares his experience and gospel-rich insights with us. Teenagers especially will benefit from Marshall’s words. For that reason, this book will be one I joyfully recommend far and wide.”
Jaquelle Crowe, author, This Changes Everything: How the Gospel Transforms the Teen Years

“For years, I’ve longed for a book I could recommend without hesitation to single men and women. My wait is over. Marshall Segal’s Not Yet Married is everything I hoped for and more. His foundations are thoroughly scriptural, his applications are rooted in the good news of the gospel, and he provides some of the clearest counsel for navigating the unmarried years I’ve ever seen. He humbly acknowledges his own failures and addresses past sins with sensitive pastoral skill. If you’re single, this book will increase your faith in God’s good plans for you and inspire you to passionately pursue a Christ-exalting life. I can’t wait to recommend and give this book away.”
Bob Kauflin, Director, Sovereign Grace Music; author, Worship Matters and True Worshipers

“Instead of settling for our culture’s cheap version of love, sex, and dating, Not Yet Married challenges and inspires Christian singles to live their lives with greater intentionality. This down-to-earth book is a must-read for every guy and girl who desires to glorify God to the fullest while they’re not yet married.”
Kristen Clark and Bethany Baird, Founders, Girl Defined Ministries; authors, Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity, and Identity

At the risk of sounding clichéd, where was this book when I was younger? Singles in the church can often feel like second-class citizens in God’s kingdom, so it’s refreshing to have a book that realigns our thinking, scripturally speaking. Marshall Segal has provided a great service to Christians seeking to honor God in their singleness. This book would be a helpful resource for high school seniors headed to college, students in college, and those in singleness well beyond college. This is a book for those who are not even single. It would give couples a better perspective on loving those in singleness and giving counsel to those who are not yet married.
John Perritt, Director of Resources, Reformed Youth Ministries; Host, The Local Youth Worker podcast; author; father of five