Gifts for Moms, Dads, and Grads
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A Checklist to Help Identify Your Anger and Help for What to Do Next
Heart Desires and Attitudes
The Bible has plenty to say about anger—not just our own anger but also God’s. Anger is an important emotion for many reasons. God’s anger is important because it reveals the holiness of our God. He is a God who will not tolerate rebellion and sin. Our human anger, on the other hand, is important because it reveals so much about the desires and attitudes of our hearts. The other reason our anger is important is that it is capable of doing so much harm. Here, we offer a checklist to help us identify and appraise our own struggle with anger.
Identify
Anger is often all too obvious; violent words or violent acts leave us in no doubt about the fury that is raging within. Yet even these obvious expressions of anger are often much more obvious to the outside observer than they are to the person actually experiencing them. Angry people often don’t believe they are angry. They just believe they are right. In others, however, anger is altogether more subtle. Anger is not expressed in raised voices or pointed fingers but in a myriad of other more socially acceptable ways. But it is still anger and still does damage. All of this makes the identification of anger a vital step. If we ignore our own anger or pretend it isn’t there or never even notice it in the first place, then it will continue unchecked, along with all the spiritual and relational damage that anger can do.
So let’s begin by reviewing the many ways anger can be expressed. Consider the list below. Which of the following are true of you? Where, and to what extent, are they evident?
- Resentment
- Bitterness
- Irritation
- Grumbling
- Sarcasm
- Indifference
- Critical spirit
- Competitiveness
- Abuse
- Envy
- Hatred
- Quarrelling
- Sulkiness
Use this list to construct a picture of your own pattern in relation to anger. Which of these expressions of anger are most common? In what context are they usually expressed? And who is usually on the receiving end?
The Heart of Anger
Christopher Ash, Steve Midgley
Christopher Ash and Steve Midgley explore the root and character of human anger, examine the righteous anger of God, and offer readers practical wisdom about the way the gospel can gradually transform a heart of anger into a heart filled with the love of God.
Consult
Because all of us are prone to justify our anger, or even overlook it completely, the next step is to ask others. Consult those close to you and ask them where they see you expressing anger. Show them the list above and invite them to identify the top three expressions of anger that they see you display. Ask them in such a way that it is clear you are ready to listen. Promise them that even if they tell you things you don’t want to hear, you will not get angry with them. (And be sure to have spent sufficient time praying about this so that your promise will be true!)
Explore
Having begun to identify the typical ways and circumstances in which your anger is expressed, begin to ask the harder question. What is your anger about? What desire is being thwarted? What ambition is coming under threat? Is there a fear you are reacting to? Is there some potential loss you dread? Ask God to help you see the answer to these questions. And because God often answers our prayers through the work of our godly friends, ask those close to you what they think might lie beneath your anger.
As you explore the roots of your anger, work through the following questions:
- Are you angry when things feel out of your control?
- Are material possessions a source for your anger?
- Is your anger ever related to sexual desire or sexual frustration?
- Do you get angry when people dislike you or speak ill of you?
- Is there any crowd or group of companions that seems to encourage your anger?
As you begin to see certain triggers for your anger, try to connect them with the essential character of sin. Ask yourself in what way, as far as you can tell, your anger is related to a desire to be God. How are you seeking to take God’s place, perform his functions, or have his honor? In what way does your struggle with anger reflect the bigger struggle that is going on in your heart to be humble rather than to want to be treated as if you were God?
Because God often answers our prayers through the work of our godly friends, ask those close to you what they think might lie beneath your anger.
Next Steps
We’d like to build on the checklist above by providing a devotional response which you could use to speak with God about your anger, asking him to help you grow in godliness and to bring your anger under the proper rule of Christ.
Give Thanks
Begin with God. Begin by thanking him for all that he has revealed about godly anger. Thank him for Christ and for the glorious example of self-sacrificial love that feels anger not over personal affront but only over the glory of God and the good of others. Thank him for being a God who feels both righteous anger and steadfast love. Then thank God for helping you to know more of your own heart.
Thank him for answering your prayers for a clearer understanding of your own anger. Thank him for overcoming the dullness and stubbornness of your heart by allowing you to see your own sin. Tell him that this is a grace for which you are profoundly grateful.
Repent
Acknowledge before God the seriousness of your sin. Knowing his holiness, speak to him of the ugliness of your own heart, which is more concerned with your glory than with his. Thank him for the opportunity to repent. Thank him for helping you to see things in right perspective, and tell him that you want to put things where they should be. Ask him to help you to desire his glory first and foremost and then the good of others before any good for yourself. Admit how hard it is for you to even pray those words, never mind mean them. Plead with him to soften your heart and deepen your love for him.
Tell God that you know that it is only when he is properly installed as King that your battle with anger will finally be over. Ask him to hasten that day and deepen your love for Christ, knowing that in love and devotion to Christ is found the expulsive power of a new affection that can drive out the false loves that stir you to anger.
Believe
Give thanks for Christ. Rejoice that Christ has borne the punishment for each and every expression of ungodly anger, past, present, and future. Delight that it is worth repenting because there is a gospel of grace to believe in. Tell God that it is to his glory and for his glory that you want to grow in godliness in relation to anger. He is the one who brings this about, so he is the one to be praised.
Thank God for giving you new life in Christ. Thank him that in Christ, he is reforming you into the very likeness of his own Son, and that his Spirit will never leave you nor abandon you until that great work of transformation is complete and you see him face-to-face. Ask that this great prospect of the glory to come would drive you to live in greater godliness now and particularly in relation to the putting off of ungodly anger.
Conclude your prayers by praising God for hearing your praise and your confession and your petitions and thanking him that because of his great mercy, you are not consumed but raised up to live to his praise and glory.
This article is adapted from The Heart of Anger: How the Bible Transforms Anger in Our Understanding and Experience by Christopher Ash and Steve Midgley.
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