It’s Not About You

All About Me

When my daughter was three or four years old, she got a little toy Casio keyboard for Christmas. I will never forget her banging on that keyboard and singing (or mis-singing) one of our beloved praise choruses: “O God, you are my God! And I will ever praise me!”

My husband and I thought it was hilarious. That is, until she said one day, “Look, Mom! I’m you!” The less hilarious part is that on most days, that sentiment is spot on. If I am being honest, I could open a worship set with that song, following it up with “I Could Sing of Myself Forever,” then close with a rousing rendition of “To Me Be the Glory!” Because let’s face it. I love to talk—and sing—about myself!

Though these titles would obviously never be sung in a worship service, we have to admit that oftentimes our spiritual lives tend to be self-centered rather than God-centered. Consider the last book you read, the last song you sang, or the last prayer you prayed. What was the focus? Was it about God, his glory, his kingdom, and his purposes? Or was it more focused on the role God plays in helping your life “work”? If God answered every one of your prayers, would it change the world or simply change your world?¹

It’s All About God

A truly reverent heart communicates one clear message: It’s all about God. It’s not about us. What is the end goal of our lives? The Westminster Shorter Catechism answers this query succinctly: “Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.”² We exist to glorify God. If we were created to glorify God, then why are we so prone to glorify ourselves? What exactly is glorifying self?

Stand in Awe

Laura Story

Sharing her 20 years of experience as a worship leader and award-winning recording artist, Laura Story shows readers how to engage in scriptural, reverential worship on Sunday mornings and during the other 6 days of the week.

Initially discussed by Augustine of Hippo and later expanded by Martin Luther, the Latin phrase incurvatus in se describes the tendency of our hearts to turn inward toward self rather than outward toward God and others.³ Ever since the very first self-centered decision Adam and Eve made in the garden, every one of us has been born with the propensity to think of ourselves first. One major facet of God’s plan of redemption is his call for us to return to placing him above ourselves. Hosea says it so simply: “Come, let us return to the Lord” (Hos. 6:1).

Ultimately, God changes our desires through Christ’s finished work on the cross. As Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:15, “He died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” We can experience true freedom from our obsession with self, even if, on this side of heaven, it is still a daily battle (Rom. 7:18–25).

Here is the question I want us to consider now: As we seek to live more reverent and God-consumed lives, what are ways that we unintentionally focus on self, even in our spiritual pursuits?

I Wanna Talk About Me

I am a huge nineties country music fan. I still love that old tune by the late Toby Keith “I Wanna Talk About Me”! He makes a list in song form of everything his girlfriend wants to talk about, and how he loves to listen to her, but then sheepishly confesses, “I like talking about you, you, you, you, usually. But occasionally, I wanna talk about me!”⁴ So often our spiritual lives are too focused on ourselves. Consider the following questions as a bit of a self-assessment.⁵

1) Are my prayers primarily self-interested?

• Am I more concerned with personal blessing, success, and comfort than God’s will being done or his kingdom coming on earth?
• Is my prayer time ever spent focusing solely on praising him for his attributes and his nature?
• How frequently do I confess sin before God?
• How often do I pray on behalf of others?
• When my prayers are not answered the way I had hoped, how do I typically respond?

2) Do I evaluate my worship of God based on my feelings or on the exalting of God’s glory?

• Do I tend to reflect on what the sermon on a given Sunday taught me about God, or am I preoccupied with how much I “got out of it” or found it personally motivating?
• Do I base my opinion of a worship service on whether or not I was emotionally fulfilled?
• Do I evaluate my pastor and worship leaders based on how clearly they communicated the truth about Christ or on how closely they aligned with my stylistic preferences?
• How do I react when the pastor or worship team tries something new, maybe for the purpose of reaching a different demographic or generation?
• When I consider the worship music I enjoy, are the lyrics helping me form my view of God according to Scripture? Or are they mostly about God fixing my problems and increasing my self-esteem?

So often our spiritual lives are too focused on ourselves.

3) Is my Bible reading selective and self-serving?

• How do I choose Bible passages to read in my devotional time?
• Do I tell the Bible what it means, or does the Bible to tell me what it means?
• When was the last time Scripture challenged my expectations for how my life should go and caused me to change the way I think or act?
• How does my pride or desire for control prohibit my willingness to listen attentively to the Spirit’s leading when he speaks through his word?

4) Is my participation in church community conditional?

• How often do I seek to serve and invest in other people in my church?
• Did I join my church merely because I enjoyed the worship style, or did I consider how the church displays the gospel, the ways my family and I could grow in faith, and my prospects of developing iron-sharpeningiron friendships with other believers (Prov. 27:17; cf. 1 John 1:7)?
• When my church makes a programmatic change, am I the first to complain about how it affects me or my family, or do I seek to understand the reasoning? Do I consider how that change may meet the needs of others in the church?

5) Do I measure my faith by external blessings?

• Do I believe that material success and good health are indicative of how pleased God is with me?
• Have I ever doubted God’s goodness when experiencing suffering or some struggle in life?
• Does my faith wane over time if I am not experiencing any recent external blessings or prosperity?

6) Do I serve God for recognition or personal gain?

• Do I become resentful or contemplate quitting if my service to others is not acknowledged or appreciated?
• Am I likely to serve in a role that is unseen, underappreciated, or lowly?
• Can I articulate the true motivation behind why I serve?

7) Is my life lacking gratitude and contentment?

• How often do I experience spontaneous moments of gratitude and contentment?
• How often do I thank God for his past faithfulness to me or my family?
• How often do I struggle with comparing my circumstances to those of others who are seemingly better off than I am?

It’s a good thing we don’t have to turn in this pop quiz for a grade, or I would be sunk. Yes, every poor response is covered by the grace of God, but such an assessment can still help us recognize where we have veered off course and become our own objects of worship and reverence. We need to recognize this not only for God’s glory but for our freedom. Consider the words of Gavin Ortlund in his book Humility:

Being a big deal is a burden. Humility, in contrast, means you don’t interpret everything in relation to yourself, and you don’t need to. It is the death of the narrow, suffocating filter of self-referentiality. It is the nourishing, calming acceptance that you have a small place in a much larger story: that your life is being: guided by something far bigger than your plans or controls, and serving something far bigger than your “sole benefit.”⁶

The goal isn’t to think less of yourself. As the late Tim Keller said, “The essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less.”⁷

If we can now admit that we sometimes tend to make our spiritual lives about ourselves rather than about God, what might be the trends that perpetuate this irreverence? In other words, what good spiritual resources or practices have unintentionally placed my focus on self and my personal satisfaction rather than on God and his glory?

This article is adapted from Stand in Awe: How Reverence Transforms Our Worship and Our Lives by Laura Story.

Laura Story (MATS, Covenant Theological Seminary) is a Grammy- and Dove Award-winning singer-songwriter, known for her certified platinum song “Blessings.” She serves as a worship leader at Perimeter Church and is also a Bible teacher and author of several books, including Stand in Awe and When God Doesn’t Fix It. Laura lives with her husband, Martin, and their four children in Atlanta, Georgia.

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