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3 Ways to Cultivate Community in Your Church
The Hope of Spiritual Community
We are relational beings, designed in the image of our triune God. We’ve been created for life together, and apart from community, we’ll never be fully whole and Christlike. In the church, we can resist the trends of social isolation and loneliness, discover our true home in Christ and his church, and find hope for a beautiful, deeply rooted community. We can finally belong.
So the question is this: How do we embody and practice this incredible truth—that we belong to God and one another? In considering how to cultivate deeper belonging together, I want to give practical help for the committed church member and leader.
1. Practice hospitality.
Hospitality is the distinctively Christian practice of creating space for others. It is not just opening our homes; it’s the Christlike pattern of opening our hearts and lives as well. Hospitality, in a biblical sense, includes creating space in our homes for our brothers and sisters in Christ, creating space in our schedules and hearts for those who don’t know the Lord, creating space in our community groups for our neighbors and coworkers, and creating space in our lives for the poor and marginalized.
Just as Christ came to us when we were outsiders, so the church can open its heart and doors to those who don’t know him. In Paul’s instructions for the church to embrace self-giving love for each other, he includes a strong exhortation to “show hospitality” (Rom. 12:13). And while Paul’s exhortation is aimed at hospitality within the church, hospitality is also a missional practice in a lonely world. As one Christian author put it:
In our world full of strangers, estranged from their own past, culture and country, from their neighbors, friends and family, from their deepest self and their God, we witness a painful search for a hospitable place where life can be lived without fear and where community can be found. . . . That is our vocation [as Christians]: to convert the . . . enemy into the guest and to create the free and fearless space where brotherhood and sisterhood can be formed and fully experienced.1
Why Do We Feel Lonely at Church?
Jeremy Linneman
Why Do We Feel Lonely at Church? addresses the loneliness epidemic facing the church, encourages readers to pursue a life of fellowship, and urges church leaders to cultivate communities that reflect Jesus’s mission, ministry, and care.
Let’s pause now and consider our own stories. At one point, we were all visitors to a church and didn’t know more than a person or two. How might our lives be different at this point if no one had invited us in and given us a place at the table?
Every one of us has been the recipient of the hospitality of others, and now we extend that same hospitable spirit to the next generation of church visitors—and to our own neighbors, coworkers, and friends. This vision of hospitality is more than mere entertaining, of course. Entertaining includes setting out our best food, showing off our homes, and inviting our most attractive guests; it puts the focus on us. (Remember, Jesus didn’t own a home, and yet he is our model of hospitality.)
Biblical hospitality puts the focus on others. We are making space for them to experience friendship and belonging. We can invite disconnected believers into our homes as an expression of the love of the church.
We can serve and bless the single mother in our congregation by encouraging her to drop off her kids for a few hours. We can bring a meal and sit with the older member who lives in an assisted living facility. We can invite the unbelieving friend or family over for dinner and ask intentional questions about their relationships, beliefs, fears, and hopes. Our vocation as Christians is to create space for others, demonstrating the welcoming embrace of Jesus himself.2
Our vocation as Christians is to create space for others, demonstrating the welcoming embrace of Jesus himself.
2. Pray together.
This may seem simple, even assumed, but to cultivate true Christian community, we will be wise to prioritize prayer together. If we are to be a truly spiritual community and not just another social club or friend clique, we must pursue and enjoy God’s presence together. In the past two decades, nearly every Christian book on community I’ve read has used the phrase “do life together.” I’ve said countless times, “It’s not enough to just go to church and community group; we can and should be doing life together.” And I do believe that. But I also believe that “doing life together” is not enough. Anyone can “do life together” and be unchanged by it—still just as impatient, unfriendly, greedy, or angry as before. Our goal as Christians is to glorify God through our conformity to Christ, to be gradually formed toward his character, love for others, and way of life. Thus, our relationships can and should do spiritual life together.
In my own congregation, we prioritize community groups and encourage folks to gather with their group members both regularly and spontaneously. We also encourage them to ask each other intentional questions, to pray for each other between gatherings and meetups, to care for each other through the challenges and crises of life. And we also encourage (and train) them to pray together, whether in formal group gatherings or informal times. It might seem odd at first to be talking to a friend and stop and say, “Can I pray with you right now?” But I can guarantee you: very rarely will someone say no, and very rarely will you regret taking a few moments to pray with a friend.
When we pray together as believers, we are doing far more than just supporting one another; we are connecting with the Father together. We are strengthening one another in faith and hope as we seek him as one. We are seeking the presence and power of Christ for the challenges of advancing his kingdom in a lonely world.
When we pray together, we know that Christ is with us (Matt. 18:20), making us more like him through the Spirit (2 Cor. 3:18).
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3. Stay present.
One of the sneaky challenges in our current age is transience. If we are moving to a new city every few years, it will be almost impossible to develop and maintain deep relationships. Similarly, if we stay in the same city but often change church communities, the same loss is likely.
Early church scholar Joseph Hellerman puts it well in When the Church Was a Family:
Spiritual formation occurs primarily in the context of community. People who remain connected with their brothers and sisters in the local church almost invariably grow in selfunderstanding, and they mature in their ability to relate in healthy ways to God and to their fellow human beings. This is especially the case for those courageous Christians who stick it out through the often messy process of interpersonal discord and conflict resolution. Long-term interpersonal relationships are the crucible of genuine progress in the Christian life. People who stay grow. 3
Indeed, I have found this observation to be remarkably true: those who stay grow. Sure, it will be harder and require seasons of patience and struggle. It may involve working through conflict with friends and others in your community. It might even mean passing up a promotion or raise that would require a move or longer hours. But it will be worth it in the long run.
Stability is one of the most important elements in a growing, thriving spiritual life. The most important formation we experience occurs over a long period of time. No one becomes like Jesus overnight. God typically works through a slow process, transforming his people in the everyday moments of life as we seek to follow him with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength.
My most important and fulfilling relationships—the ones that really challenge and encourage me toward communion with God and growth in Christ—tend to be those I’ve had for five, ten, or twenty years. Many of these are with folks who have not been natural friends, and with some I’ve had significant conflict. But we’ve stayed together, and the longevity of our relationships has allowed us to see Christ’s work in each other. Perhaps the main reason people don’t experience deep, encouraging friendship more commonly is that they leave or move the year before it happens. Relationships take time, Christ-centered friendship is slow work, and stability is one of the most important things you can cultivate.
Notes:
- Henri J. M. Nouwen, Reaching Out: Three Movements of the Spiritual Life(New York: Image, 1986), 65–66.
- I write more about this in my short book Life-Giving Groups: How to Grow Healthy, Multiplying Community Groups (Louisville: Sojourn Network, 2018).
- Joseph H. Hellerman, When the Church Was a Family: Recapturing Jesus’ Vision for Authentic Christian Community (Nashville: B&H Academic, 2009), 1.
This article is adapted from Why Do We Feel Lonely at Church? by Jeremy Linneman.
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