The Glaring Difference Between Being Truly Repentant and Being Merely Remorseful

Against Whom Have I Sinned?

I was sitting with a couple in their late 20s, and for the years leading up to this moment, they had been busy building their life, having children, building their careers. But secretly, the husband had been committing adultery. He had not addressed this or confessed this to his wife or to anyone. He hid his sin within him. Over the months, he stopped eating as much as he should have. He was losing a tremendous amount of weight. He was continually depressed and was kind of at the end of himself.

His wife was doing everything she could to help minister to him, care for him, and bring him back to health. And then finally, one day he couldn’t take it anymore, and he confessed his sin to his wife. That’s what led us to sitting in my study, to talk about it. I could tell that he was remorseful. There were tears in his eyes. But I also understood he hadn’t experienced repentance in the way that Scripture shows. And so I grabbed a whiteboard and a dry-erase marker and I said, “Just do this exercise with me. Let’s make a list of everyone that you have sinned against over these last few months.” All of the names you would expect were then listed: his wife, the names of his children, his in-laws, his parents, and there were members of our church.

Create in Me a Clean Heart

Matthew Boswell

Based on sermons from Matthew Boswell, this devotional shares biblical wisdom and practical insights from Psalm 51, teaching readers how to have a heart that is repentant, restored, renewed, and responsive to Christ.

He listed out all these names, but there was one glaring omission to me. There was no mention of God. What I wanted him to see in that moment was, yes, the horizontal relationships were harmed and that is absolutely good and right to acknowledge that. But the gravest offense of every sin is that we have sinned against the holy God. We wrote “God” at the top of the board.

I think of David in Psalm 51. In the middle he says, “Against you only I have sinned.” Well, is that true? No, that’s not true. He sinned against Bathsheba, Uriah, and everybody. But what he means by that is he’s taking his sin as high as possible, to the highest court, admitting that he has sinned against the crown.

When we sin against one another, we should be quick to ask forgiveness. And yet we must go all the way. Our repentance must go as high as it should, and we must go to God and ask him to forgive us of our sin. That is when we’ve experienced repentance.

Matt Boswell is the author of Create in Me a Clean Heart: Experiencing God’s Abundant Mercy in Psalm 51.

Matthew Boswell (PhD, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary) is a pastor at the Trails Church in North Texas. He also serves as professor of worship ministries at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. He is an author and hymn writer, known for songs including “His Mercy Is More” and “Come Behold the Wondrous Mystery.” Boswell lives in Texas with his wife and four children.

3 Marks of True Repentance

Matthew Boswell

August 31, 2026

True repentance is more than simply acknowledging our wrongs and feeling sorry for what we have done; it is turning from our ways and returning to God.

How Do We Know If Repentance Is Genuine?

Chris Brauns

April 27, 2026

Fake repentance can look remarkably like the real thing. But even if it is difficult to distinguish godly grief from worldly sorrow, we need not despair that it is impossible.