Why Do We Feel So Disappointed When We Have to Wait?
Name Your Expectations
Why do we feel so disappointed when we have to wait? The reality is that waiting and expectations go together, and often our disappointments are often linked to those expectations. And honestly, many of those expectations are not wrong. They can be really good expectations—things that you would long for that are good and right things or appropriate expectations.
But here’s the challenge. Sometimes our expectations are not fully understood and known to us. We think about what it is that we’re waiting for, and we don’t even realize that we have an internal clock in our head as to how long something is going to take. For instance, think about what it was like the last time you went to the Department of Motor Vehicles. You have an expectation that you’re going to wait. In your head, however, there’s a certain timeframe that you think would be appropriate.
In another sense, think of the last wedding that you attended. You arrive, you sit, and then you wait. You wait for the bridal party to enter. You wait for the bride and the groom to enter. No one’s complaining in that moment about waiting. Why? Because they expected to wait.
Waiting Isn't a Waste
Mark Vroegop
In Waiting Isn’t a Waste, author Mark Vroegop explores 6 characteristics of waiting, calling believers to lean on Christ when we are uncertain about our lives, but certain about God.
This struck me in a really profound way when I was studying Psalm 40. The text says, “I waited patiently for the Lord.” But here’s the thing. There’s actually no word patient in the original Hebrew text. Instead, it merely says, “I waited and waited for the Lord.” That’s right. The Hebrew text just repeats the word wait. That doesn’t mean that patient is a bad translation. But when I think about that text, it has a little different nuance for me personally when I think that the psalmist said, “I waited and waited for the Lord.”
So I’ve started to think about waiting patiently a little differently. Waiting patiently is simply adding an additional timeframe to my expectation of how long something would take. And I’ve discovered that it’s really helpful if I can name my expectations, both when I’m waiting and even in advance of my waiting opportunity that’s perhaps going to be presented to me.
For instance, if I’m in the middle of a moment where I’m waiting, it’s helpful for me to ask myself, Mark, how long did you think you were going to have to wait? Or maybe, Did you even think that you’d have to wait at all?
By naming my expectations, I’m able to identify what I thought my life would be like, who God is, and that I can trust him.
Or maybe the question could sound like this in your life: I would’ve thought by age twenty-five, I would have . . . Or I would’ve thought, after being in my career, I would have . . . Or I would’ve thought that my friends would’ve reached out by . . .
None of those expectations are inherently wrong, but the specificity of what our expectation is can actually lead to disappointment in a way that can be really unhelpful and, frankly, can be spiritually devastating. Disappointment can lead to bitterness. It can lead to relationship distance between people, and it can relate to a sense of frustration even with the Lord himself.
So one of the ways that we deal with the problem of our disappointments is acknowledge that it’s real and then to see if we can name our expectations. What are the things underneath that I’m longing for and wanting that I thought would be the case? Maybe I thought I would wait for the Lord, but I didn’t think I would have to wait, and wait, and wait for the Lord. So by naming my expectations, I’m able to identify, “Here’s what I thought my life would be like; and yet here’s who God is, and I can trust him.”
So when I don’t know what’s true about my life, I can release my expectations, identify them, name them, and embrace what it means to wait on the Lord by focusing my mind and heart on who he is.
“I waited, and waited, and waited for the Lord.”
Mark Vroegop is the author of Waiting Isn’t a Waste: The Surprising Comfort of Trusting God in the Uncertainties of Life.
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