How Christians Can Combat the Loneliness Epidemic

A Lonely Country

Statistically, Americans really are not making many new friends. That might not be a huge problem, except that we do not have many friends to begin with. Statistically, we are a lonely country. You may not feel that way yourself, with your many friends and deep networks. But that’s not the norm for Americans, taken as a whole. We are like tiny islands where the creature comforts of material life and social media offer each of us his or her own custom resort. We are having the time of our lives, we think. But many of us are functionally alone on our private islands.

Eventually, you get tired even of yourself.

When was the last time you hosted someone in your home for a dinner, or were invited to someone else’s home for dinner, for the sole purpose of building a relationship? Shared meals seem overlooked and forgotten in America. We are too busy, too tired, too isolated. Besides, Netflix just dropped a new series, and I hope to binge at least two or three episodes tonight. Having a conversation with people I just met may seem awkward.

The “Loneliness Epidemic”

New phrases have a way of marking eras in the history of a civilization. Enter “the loneliness epidemic.” Loneliness as an American problem is not altogether new; what is new is how pronounced and severe it has become in the last two decades. As early as the 1970s, scholars began using the UCLA Loneliness Scale, a twenty-question diagnostic test to measure loneliness.

Prodigal Culture

Andrew T. Walker

Examining 10 personal, social, and existential crises affecting men and women today, Andrew T. Walker explains why the Christian moral tradition is the remedy to social decline.

In 2018, the Kaiser Family Foundation, in collaboration with The Economist, released a report showing that more than a fifth of American adults feel lonely or isolated. Increased loneliness correlated with decreased physical health, mental health, and financial stability.¹ In one telling finding, increased feelings of loneliness were correlated with the amount of social media use, even though those who felt lonely reported that they thought social media would decrease their loneliness. In fact, the use of social media to cure loneliness only seems to prolong it. The study cited figures that indicated what seems all but obvious now: Lonely individuals found that social media made it more challenging to be with family and other people in person. It is not hard to piece together an explanation. Sitting alone viewing one’s algorithmically narrowed world is inherently antisocial behavior. We may think we are simply sitting and scrolling through the latest reels on Instagram, but hours of social media usage can be detrimental to a person’s ability to concentrate, engage in small talk, or embrace boredom. I know this firsthand. Social media has had a significant impact on my ability to read for extended periods. This is a constant refrain I hear from other professors, too.

In 2023, the US surgeon general released a report on the negative health effects of loneliness.² For the surgeon general of the United States to produce an entire report on the epidemic of loneliness is no small thing. It means our loneliness has caught the attention of the government, and the government feels a responsibility to promote healthy habits among its citizens. Dwell on that for a second: Our government must now instruct its citizens on one of the most basic aspects of human existence—our sociability.

The report’s findings were stunning. They showed that Americans have become increasingly isolated over the last two decades, with America’s youth bearing the brunt of the problem as social media has replaced in-person interaction. Overall, half of all Americans experience some degree of loneliness. A Meta-Gallup survey also found that rates of loneliness were highest in young adults.³ Dr. Vivek Murthy, the surgeon general at the time, wrote in The New York Times that “addressing the crisis of loneliness and isolation is one of our generation’s greatest challenges.”⁴

It is hard not to connect the dots between America’s loneliness and the general instability that marks contemporary life—a point the surgeon general noted. According to Murthy: “In the last few decades, we’ve just lived through a dramatic pace of change. We move more, we change jobs more often, we are living with technology that has profoundly changed how we interact with each other and how we talk to each other.”⁵

We are made to know others and be known by others. We are not meant to live in isolation. We are not meant to be permanently lonely. God made us for deep connection. Not just sexual intimacy. We are meant to be around people and derive our bearings in the world largely from them. People, communities, and institutions play major roles in shaping who we are.

This is all by divine design.

Wired for Relationships

Speaking almost in the language of the Bible (but not quite), the government’s report on loneliness called for “cultivating a culture of connection.” Self-help gurus also suggest the following steps to combat loneliness: (1) Make friends with yourself. (2) Fill your time with meaningful activities. (3) Find your people. (4) Invest time with your people. (5) Make a contribution to others.⁶

All of these, of course, are fine in and of themselves. There is no shortage of suggestions on how to combat loneliness, and, as Christians, we can see a lot of good in the common grace solutions they offer. We should plunder the Egyptians, so to speak, if they have valuable relational insights. The question is whether the tsunami of secular culture has the necessary safeguards to prevent even the most ardent social butterflies from being swept up in its net.

Something about our culture creates a deep-seated sense of dissatisfaction with the superficiality of modernity. Whether it is the architecturally drab, cookie-cutter department stores or the barrenness of a nine-to-five cubicle with artificial lighting, people have a gnawing sense that they were made for more and yet cannot wrap their heads around the solution. It is not uncommon to see viral TikTok videos highlighting the accounts of young singles living in the city and complaining, through tears, about the monotony and loneliness that come with social mobility. Up at 5:30am, work out, get on the subway, work for ten hours, get back on the subway, go home, and go to bed. Put this on repeat.

Usually these videos are shared to “dunk” on those shown and to assert the superiority of more traditional ways of living (which the accounts are correct to observe). Often, though, the reflex to dunk on these “single cat-ladies in their thirties” comes across as cruel. The ways our culture lies to our young about what the good life is should sadden us. Doing the same seven-to-seven, Monday-through-Friday routine often starves people of meaningful connection, especially if they fill any free moments scrolling through the next Instagram feed.

Apart from understanding ourselves as divinely created beings wired for intimate relationships, proposed remedies may prove superficial at reducing loneliness, but they cannot resolve loneliness. This is where Christianity and Scripture offer a more effective solution.

We can begin, of course, by noting that the most supreme being in the universe is communal and relational. In theological categories, we call God “triune.” God’s three-in-oneness speaks to the inherent sociality within the Godhead. In God, there is perfect communion. God exists in three persons—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

The pursuit and experience of friendship reflect the pattern of our God-made image.

God is himself the perfect model of contented community, relationship, and the negation of loneliness. The inner communion of the Trinity spilled over into creation when God created human beings to be relational by nature. God did not create humanity to live in isolation. Though the express purpose of God’s creation of Eve for Adam was marriage and the exercising of dominion through reproduction, an essential part of Eve’s creation was Adam’s need for another. The text does not tell us that Adam was “lonely” per se, but Genesis 2:18 does say, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make for him a helper fit for him.”

We may infer from the text that God is concerned about our individual status. That it was “not good” tells us that Adam would be better in a relationship with someone else. In present-day terms, God rectifies loneliness through an embodied human person, not a screen or an animal. God did not look at Adam and say, “You shall be satisfied to look at trees and speak to monkeys.” No, God in his kindness granted Adam and us the ability to relate to persons like us.

When God tells us we are made in his image (Gen. 1:26–28), that image is a noun that implies a verb—a status that implies a calling. To “image” God is to reflect the being he is, which—as we’ve seen above—is one of intimate connection and relation. God is the antithesis of loneliness.

If we are called to image God, that means that God has constituted us for relationship. It means that loneliness is a fundamental thwarting of how we are meant to live. Deep connection with others is essential to our nature. To lack basic relationships is not merely to be lonely; it is to miss out on the fullness of how God intended us to be and to live.

I teach Christian ethics, and ethicists frequently discuss the concept of “moral goods.” Moral goods are those things we are to pursue, obtain, and protect for their God-given value, not merely as means to something else. One of the goods often proposed is the moral good of “sociality.” That is a fancy word for friendship. Friendship is something we are naturally inclined toward. As C. S. Lewis wrote, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather, it is one of those things which give value to survival.”⁷ While I might differ with Lewis’s wording, the concept he’s getting at is important: Friends are worth pursuing for their own sake, not as stepping stones to something else. The pursuit and experience of friendship reflect the pattern of our God-made image.

Much of the biblical narrative would not make sense apart from the notion of friendship. The Christian faith just is a relational faith. Friends are meant to guard us from error, refine us spiritually (Prov. 27:17), and provide us counsel (Prov. 19:20). Friends have each other’s back (Prov. 17:17). Friends are there to encourage us (1 Thess. 5:11) and pick us up when we stumble (Eccl. 4:9–10). We are called to show one another honor and love (Rom. 12:10). We are called to forgive one another (Col. 3:13) and show hospitality (1 Pet. 4:8–10).

Notably, Jesus put a high value on friendship. In one of the most important exchanges in his earthly ministry, he summed up his ministry among his disciples by communicating his love for them as friends.

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. (John 15:12–15)

Here, Jesus is calling us to be more than mere acquaintances with those around us. He rejects loneliness and understands that ministry and life are best when friends are around.

Think about a friend you love. Right now. Stop and think about him or her. Ask yourself: “Why do I consider this person a friend? Is it because I can get something out of him or her? Or is the mere experience of being in this person’s presence the benefit itself?” That’s what friendship is—the recognition of a counterpart whose existence brings you joy. Why gather on your back patio with friends to discuss life? It is because people find delight in sharing life.

The Lord has blessed me with deep and abiding friendships. Each of my friends plays a unique role in my life. One makes me laugh more than another. Another may ask me the type of probing questions no one else can, questions that force me to dig deep within myself to examine my heart. We have friends not merely for the sake of joy or shared experiences. We also have friends because they help us better understand ourselves.

Maybe the last few paragraphs have stirred some emotions: You feel you should call someone you’ve neglected. Or you may need to repair a relationship that has broken down. Remember this: You will never regret working to repair a broken relationship. Our flesh tells us it is more desirable to stew in frustration over a broken relationship, but life in the Spirit is one of accepting your own role in the friendship’s breakdown. So maybe call your friend. The cure to your loneliness may be getting over your stubbornness.

Notes:

Bianca DiJulio, Liz Hamel, Cailey Muñana, and Mollyann Brodie, “Loneliness and Social Isolation in the United States, the United Kingdom, and Japan: An International Survey,” KFF, August 30, 2018, https://www.kff.org/.
Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Health Effects of Social Connection and Community (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2023), https://www.hhs.gov/.
Taylor Nicioli, “The Loneliness Epidemic: Nearly 1 in 4 Adults Feel Lonely, New Survey Finds,” CNN Health, October 24, 2023, https://www.cnn.com/.
Vivek H. Murthy, “We Have Become a Lonely Nation. It’s Time to Fix That,” The New York Times, April 30, 2023, https://www.nytimes.com/.
Juana Summers, Vincent Acovino, and Christopher Intagliata, “America Has a Loneliness Epidemic. Here Are 6 Steps to Address It,” NPR, May 2, 2023, https://www.npr.org/.
Tracy Brower, “5 Ways to Feel Less Alone Amid the Epidemic of Loneliness,” Forbes, December 3, 2023, https://www.forbes.com/.
C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves (Bles, 1960), 84.

This article is adapted from Prodigal Culture: A People in Ruins and the Way Back Home by Andrew T. Walker.

Andrew T. Walker (PhD, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary) is Dean of the School of Theology at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and Professor of Christian Ethics and Public Theology. He is a fellow with the Ethics and Public Policy Center. He resides with his wife and three daughters in Louisville, Kentucky.

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