50% Off Books Featured at TGCW
50% Off Books Featured at TGCW
The Biblical Difference Between Misplaced Shame and Well-Placed Shame
Two Kinds of Shame
The Bible makes it very clear that there is a shame we ought to have and a shame we ought not to have. I’m going to call the one kind “misplaced shame” and the other kind “well-placed shame.” Like everything else that matters, the crucial issue is how God fits into the experience of shame.
Misplaced Shame
“Misplaced shame” (the kind we ought not to have) is the shame you feel when there is no good reason to feel it. Biblically that means that the thing you feel ashamed of is not dishonoring to God; or, that it is dishonoring to God, but you didn’t have a hand in it. In other words, misplaced shame is shame for something that’s good—something that doesn’t dishonor God. Or it’s shame for something that’s bad, but you didn’t have any sinful hand in. That’s the kind of shame we ought not to have.
Well-Placed Shame
“Well-placed shame” (the kind we ought to have) is the shame we feel when there is good reason to feel it. Biblically that means we feel ashamed of something because our involvement in it was dishonoring to God. We ought to feel shame when we have a hand in bringing dishonor to God by our attitudes or actions.
I want to be sure that you see how important God is in this distinction between misplaced shame and well-placed shame. Whether we have a hand in honoring God or dishonoring God makes all the difference. If we want to battle shame at the root, we have to know how it relates to God. And we do need to battle shame at the root—all shame—because both misplaced shame and well-placed shame can cripple us, if we don’t know how to deal with them at the root.
Battling Unbelief
John Piper
John Piper demonstrates that God’s gracious promises are the power by which we overcome everyday sins and honor God more fully.
It will help us in our battle if we look at some Scriptures that illustrate misplaced shame and some that illustrate well-placed shame. We need to see that these are, in fact, biblical categories. In this day, when psychology has a tremendous influence on how we use words, we need to be sure that we can assess all language about our emotions with biblical ways of thinking and speaking. If you have learned your use of the word shame from secular psychology, be aware that I am not using it in the same way. You may find that the Bible uses the concept of shame differently from the way it is popularly used. Once you see the biblical terms clearly, you will be in a position to assess the way contemporary people talk about shame.
Biblical Examples of Misplaced Shame
Paul says to Timothy that if he feels shame for testifying to the gospel, he feels misplaced shame: “Do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God” (2 Tim. 1:8). We ought not to feel shame for the gospel. Christ is honored when we speak well of him. And he is dishonored by fearful silence. So it is not a shameful thing to testify but a shameful thing not to.
The same verse says that if we feel shame that a friend of ours is in prison for Jesus’s sake, then our shame is misplaced. The world may see imprisonment for Christ as a sign of weakness and defeat. But Christians know better. God is honored by the courage of his servants to go to prison for his name, if they have acted in just and loving ways. We ought not to feel shame that we are associated with something that honors God in this way, no matter how much scorn the world heaps on us.
In a well-known saying of Jesus, we learn that our shame is misplaced when we feel shame because of who Jesus is or what he says: “Whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels” (Mark 8:38). For example, if Jesus says, “Love your enemies,” and others laugh and call it unrealistic, we should not feel ashamed. If Jesus says, “Don’t fornicate,” and promiscuous people label this command out-of-date, we should not feel shame to stand with Jesus. That would be misplaced shame because the words of Jesus are true and God honoring, no matter how foolish the world may try to make them look.
Suffering and being reproached and made fun of as a Christian is not an occasion for shame because it is an occasion for glorifying God: “If anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name” (1 Pet. 4:16). In other words, in the Bible the criterion for what is well-placed shame and what is misplaced shame is not how foolish or how bad you look to men but whether you, in fact, bring honor to God.
The gospel magnifies God and humbles man.
Whose Honor Is at Stake in Our Shame?
This is extremely important to grasp because much of what makes us feel shame is not that we have brought dishonor to God by our actions but that we have failed to give the appearance that other people admire. Much of our shame is not God-centered but self-centered. Until we get a good handle on this, we will not be able to battle the problem of shame at its root.
A lot of Christian shame comes from what man thinks rather than what God thinks. But when we realize deeply that God’s assessment is infinitely more significant than anyone else’s, we would not be ashamed of things that are so amazing they are even called the very power of God. Paul says, “I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes” (Rom. 1:16). This verse gives us another reason why shame in the gospel is misplaced shame: The gospel is the very power of God for salvation. The gospel magnifies God and humbles man. To the world, the gospel doesn’t look like power at all. It looks like weakness—asking people to be like children and telling them to depend on Jesus instead of standing on their own two feet. But for those who believe, it is the power of God to give sinners everlasting glory.
One of the reasons why we are tempted to feel shame even at the power of Jesus is that Jesus shows his power in ways that the world does not recognize as powerful. Jesus says to Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Paul responds to this strange demonstration of power, “I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor. 12:9–10). Ordinarily, weaknesses and insults are occasions for shame. But for Paul, they are occasions for exultation. Paul thinks that shame in his weaknesses and shame at his persecutions would be misplaced shame. Why? Because the power of Christ is perfected in Paul’s weakness.
I conclude from this—and from all these texts—that the biblical criterion for misplaced shame is radically God-centered. The biblical criterion says, “Don’t feel shame for something that honors God, no matter how weak or foolish it makes you look in the eyes of unbelievers.”
Biblical Examples of Well-Placed Shame
The same God-centeredness is seen when we look at passages that illustrate well-placed shame. Paul says to the Corinthians who were doubting the resurrection, “Wake up from your drunken stupor, as is right, and do not go on sinning. For some have no knowledge of God. I say this to your shame” (1 Cor. 15:34). Here Paul says that these people ought to feel shame: “I say this to your shame.” Their shame would be well placed if they saw their deplorable ignorance of God and how it was leading to false doctrine (no resurrection) and sin in the church. In other words, well-placed shame is shame for what dishonors God—like ignorance of God, sin against God, and false beliefs about God.
In the same church, some of the believers were going to secular courts to settle disputes among themselves. So Paul rebukes them: “I say this to your shame. Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers?” (1 Cor. 6:5). Again, he says they should feel shame: “I say this to your shame.” Their shame would be well placed because their behavior is bringing such disrepute on their God. They are taking one another before godless judges to settle their disputes. Well-placed shame is the shame you feel because you are involved in dishonoring God.
These people were trying their best to appear strong and right. They wanted to be vindicated by men. They wanted to be winners in court. They didn’t want anyone to run them over, as though they had no rights. That would look weak and shameful. So in the very act of wanting to avoid shame, as the world sees it, they fell into the very behavior that God counts shameful. The point is this: When you are dishonoring God, you ought to feel shame, no matter how strong or wise or right you are in the eyes of the world.
When a Christian’s eyes are opened to the God-dishonoring evil of his former behavior, he rightly feels ashamed. Paul says to the Roman church, “When you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death” (Rom. 6:20–21). There is a proper place for looking back and feeling the twinge of pain that we once lived in a way that was so belittling to God. We will see in a moment that we are not to be paralyzed by dwelling on this. But a sensitive Christian heart cannot think back on the follies of youth and not feel echoes of that shame, even if we have settled it all with the Lord.
Well-placed shame can be very healthy and redemptive. Paul says to the Thessalonians, “If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed” (2 Thess. 3:14). This means that shame is a proper and redemptive step in conversion and in a believer’s repentance from a season of spiritual coldness and sin. Shame is not something to be avoided at all costs. There is a place for it in God’s good dealings with his people.
We can conclude from what we have seen so far that the biblical criteria for misplaced shame and for well-placed shame are radically God-centered. The biblical criterion for misplaced shame says, “Don’t feel shame for something that honors God, no matter how weak or foolish or wrong it makes you look in the eyes of other people. And don’t take onto yourself the shamefulness of a truly shameful situation unless you are in some way truly woven into evil.” The biblical criterion for well-placed shame says, “Do feel shame for having a hand in anything that dishonors God, no matter how strong or wise or right it makes you look in the eyes of men.”
This article is adapted from Battling Unbelief: Defeating Sin with Superior Pleasure by John Piper.
Related Articles
4 Ways to Fight Sexual Temptation
We must choke temptation to death—it is the only way out. Here are four ways to fight when temptation strikes.
According to Jesus, the people who are ashamed of him are those who refuse to deny themselves, take up their cross, and follow him. They’ve considered Jesus unworthy of their devotion and obedience.
The Greatest Problem with Our Shame
For most of my life, when I heard the word “shame” in the Bible or in life around me, I instinctively interpreted it as guilt. I thought of it as a strong synonym for guilt: guilt on steroids.
Podcast: Good News for Parents Filled with Regret, Guilt, or Shame (Adam Griffin)
Adam Griffin talks about how the gospel offers relief from parenting guilt and how the fruit of the Spirit can be applied to parents’ lives.
